Moving Forward After Sexual Abuse
13 Healing Lessons From A Sexual Abuse Victim by Dawn Wilson
"You need to learn to trust men again."
When she said this just moments after I admitted I had been sexually abused as a child by a man I trusted, I got mad… really mad! She didn't understand the depth of my fear, disgust, anger, and helplessness. She didn't even acknowledge my emotional scars.
As with many women, my scars of abuse felt unique. I was confused about what was normal and used a variety of defense mechanisms to get through life.
If you've been sexually abused, you may be coping in one or more of the following ways. You hide or keep people at extreme distances, afraid of being hurt again. You remain numb through adulthood. If married, you find it difficult to respond sexually. You fear biblical submission-afraid of losing control.
You may feel damaged, see yourself as a sex object, flaunt your sexuality, and descend into promiscuity and other sexual sins. Or, like me, you pour yourself into being "good" or embrace ministry. You may not understand the power of the Gospel, and focus instead on pleasing God to gain His favor.
You might respond to your abuse with anxiety, depression, self-loathing, self-harming actions, intimacy problems, homosexuality, fear, indecisiveness, perfectionism, a need to control, eating disorders, or addictions.
Satan doesn't care how we react to the sinfulness of sexual abuse... as long as we don't turn to Jesus. The enemy knows when we find our identity, security, and dignity in Christ, we can live in victory.
It took me awhile to get there, though. For years, I felt the need to protect my abuser and not hurt others who loved him. It was twisted thinking, but the enemy delights in warping thoughts. In high school, I had poor interpersonal skills. By college, I felt suicidal and alone. Abuse distorted my image of God and affected my ability to seek and trust Him. My confidence was shattered.
After college, I joined Life Action Ministries and began a journey with God that changed my heart and life. One day as I was singing "Do You Know My Jesus?" on stage with the team, I suddenly realized I knew all about Jesus, but I didn't know Him. I left the microphone, went to the prayer room, and placed my life in Jesus' hands.
The most astounding changes came as I learned to trust Him with my past hurts. Some basic lessons I learned:
God did not condone the abuse; He hates all wickedness (Ps. 11:5).
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I can use what the enemy meant for evil to bring glory and praise to God (Joseph's response: Gen. 50:20).
I will grow and heal as I rub shoulders with godly women who model how to respond with the pure love of Christ (1 Pet. 3:3–5).
I've grown in Christ, but it hasn't always been easy. Although Jesus said He came to give me abundant life (John 10:10), sometimes I resort to survival mode when I allow myself to feel ashamed. In those moments, I forget who I am-or rather, Whose I am. Jesus bore my shame on the cross; I don't need to bear it for one moment.
Though scars remain, God gives healing grace.
“13 Healing Lessons from a Sexual Abuse Victim” was originally posted on TrueWoman.com as “Sexual Abuse: Trusting God with My Past Hurts.”
Dawn Wilson and her husband Bob live in Southern California. They have two married sons and three granddaughters. Dawn assists Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth with research and works with various departments at Revive Our Hearts. She is the founder and director of Heart Choices Today, and also publishes LOL with God and Upgrade with Dawn. Dawn also travels with her husband in ministry with the International School Project.
See how this mother of 5 followed her dreams after years of abuse!