There’s no question that men and women communicate differently. And Brittany Rust, a pastor at Red Rocks Church in Denver, CO, wants to give men some pointers. Here, she goes over the top 10 things wives want to hear from their husbands.
There's an idea fairly common in our culture about the woman's mind. Television shows, magazines, movies, and songs make reference to this great unknown — what does a woman want? What is she thinking? Men seem perplexed by the complexities of our spaghetti minds. You've heard that term, right? Men's minds are like waffles; compartmentalizing thoughts into boxes. Women's minds are like spaghetti; our thoughts connecting all over the place.
I want to help the guys out today; give you a bit of insight into the woman’s mind. What is it we crave from you? What do we long to hear you say to us? I know sometimes women can make it hard for you; we expect you to pick up on our cues and read our minds. It's not fair and I get it.
So, let me help you out today with 10 things a woman loves to hear!
1. Wives want to hear “Let's pray!”
Or another way to phrase it: "How can I be praying for you?" More than anything in this world, your wife desires a husband that leads the family in godliness. Who sets the example for righteousness. Who serves as the priest of the family.
Studies have shown that couples who pray together and read the Bible regularly are overall more satisfied and less likely to get divorced. Which is why setting Christ at the center of your family is vital to a healthy marriage.
Take the initiative to be the prayer warrior in your family. To lead in reading the Bible, going to church, and serving others. It's so important that your wife hear you say these words. To offer prayer. To suggest prayer when she calls upset, or you have a tough decision to make as a family. This will be one of the most important phrases you could ever utter in your marriage.
2. Wives want to hear “How can I help you?”
Nothing says romance like serving! Whether your wife is in the workforce, a stay-at-home mama, or a bit of both, there is much to do around the house. Offering to make dinner one night, or put your kids to bed, or to do the grocery shopping for the week goes a long way with your wife.
When my three-month-old wakes up earlier than usual at 5:30 AM and my husband offers to get up with him, my heart soars while my heavy eyes get some much needed rest. I'm telling you–serving your wife is golden!
3. Wives want to hear “I love you.”
For many, these three words are perhaps our favorite. As you desire respect, we desire love. And when we don't hear these words, our hearts break. We feel lonely. Forgotten.
Don't neglect the power of these words. Furthermore, don't forget to use them frequently with your wife. Let her know she is loved by you. Don't stop there, either. Let your actions show her that she is the apple of your eye. When your wife feels loved, she feels safe. And when she feels safe, she is freed up to be open and vulnerable with you.
4. Wives want to hear “That must be hard.”
Your wife could be feeling undervalued or overlooked at work. She might feel like she doesn't have much purpose among the dirty diapers and cheerios. Perhaps there's some conflict among a friend or family member that is causing a lot of stress. Whatever difficulty she may be going through, you're someone she's going to turn to. And when she does, be there for her.
She doesn't need someone to fix it it for her. Or make suggestions. Not quite yet, anyway. She may want those things but it's hard to accept help unless she feels supported first.
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Before doing anything, just say these four words. Empathize. Your wife wants to feel like she's not alone or crazy in her difficulty. Acknowledge her emotions and feel the trial with her. If you can do this, she will be much more open to receiving the help you want to offer.
5. Wives want to hear “I got you.”
Just being there and letting your wife know that you have her back in the midst of her ups and downs is incredibly valuable. In this chaotic world that can beat us down, sometimes it's nice to know you're not alone. Which is why letting your wife know that you got her back–that you are right by her side, through thick and thin–is such a comforting reassurance.
6. Wives want to hear “You're beautiful.”
I'm not gonna lie — it's tough out there. Women are often left to feel not pretty enough, valued enough, good enough, etc. It's why comparison and gossip is rampant in our gender.
When she's making coffee in her messy bun and pj's, tell her she's beautiful. When she's covered in spit-up and wrangling your baby, tell her she's beautiful. When she gets all dolled up for a long-anticipated date night, tell her she's beautiful. If she feels beautiful in your eyes, she'll feel much more confident and beautiful in this world.
7. Wives want to hear “Go have some quality time with yourself.”
And all the mama's said, "amen!" Seriously, I cannot tell you how precious these words are! My husband and I just had our first child three months ago and between work, being a mom/wife, and meeting a book deadline, time to myself has never been more valuable.
I can tell you, without a doubt, that if your wife is also a mama, a little "me" time is something she craves. Buy her a salon gift certificate and send her off to her a manicure. Encourage her to go out with her girlfriends for dinner. If you can create pockets of time she can have for herself to recharge, she'll come back like a breath of fresh air!
8. Wives want to hear “Let's go.”
Romance. Surprises. Date nights. Extending your hand out to her and taking her by your side for a fun time alone is exciting! Remember there was a time when it was just the two of you. When you would do whatever you wanted, whenever you wanted. Memories were created!
Nobody wants the romance to die. Cozy nights in are nice, without a doubt. But don't underestimate the power of a surprise, romantic date. So tell her to throw on a dress and say, "let's go!"
9. Wives want to hear “Your dreams matter to me.”
Our dreams matter to all of us–men and women–and it's a dream that makes the heart race with excitement! Find out what your wife's dreams are and help her find a way to flourish in them.
I can't tell you what it means to me that my husband has supported my passion for writing. He has basically kicked me out of the house on his days off and taken care of our newborn so that I could work on my book at a coffee shop. Those moments have made me feel so loved!
Take up your wife's dream as your own; let her know that you believe in her and that you want to help her flourish in that dream.
10. Wives want to hear “Life is good with you.”
Not much more needs to be said about this phrase. Your wife is a gift from God and marriage a blessing. Let her know that you enjoy her and your life together!
[Disclaimer: this is not all inclusive and every woman is different. These are merely ten common wishes of the heart for a majority of women.]
Brittany Rust is a pastor, writer, and speaker who has the privilege of serving on staff at Red Rocks Church in Denver, CO. She is also the host of the Epic Fails podcast, where she shares powerful stories of God’s redemption in people’s lives. Brittany and her husband Ryan have a handsome son named Roman and together they make their home in the Rocky Mountains, pursuing outdoor adventures, great food, and memorable stories. Her website brittanyrust.com aims to supply encouraging resources for the world-wearied believer.
Credit: Crosswalk/Brittany Rust
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